Rice, Rice, Baby

     It's cold outside.  I'm cranky.  I want Thanksgiving in February.  However, I am not up to the task of cooking seventeen different side dishes, so here's just one that actually tastes like Thanksgiving:

Thanksgiving-ish Fried Rice

 This is a one-pot deal (assuming you already have cooked brown rice or other grain on hand--if not, go cook some right now, geesh).  Saute onions in olive oil until transluscent, then add cashews and let them get a little toasty. Now add the following chopped things: apples, dates, figs, sage, thyme and parsley. Use dried herbs if you don't have fresh, duh. Stir everything around and let it cook for a few minutes.  Add cooked rice, peas, salt & pepper and a little lemon juice to bring out more flayvah. Stir well. Done! Eat it, it's good.

And for dessert....more rice:

Peanut Butter Rice Crispy Sticks

I realize this has been done a million times before, but it's new to me, so I'm talkin' about it.

Melt equal amounts of peanut butter and brown rice syrup (I know, more rice) in a pot over low heat and stir them together.  Remove from heat.  Add a bunch of crispy rice cereal, or "cocoa" crispy rice cereal like I did (waaaay better). Stir everything together.  Press the whole mixture into a baking dish, let firm up, then slice into strips.  Oh wait, I forgot!  I also put some crushed cashews in there when I added the cereal.  You can do that.  Or chocolate chips.  Or dried fruit...

You are totally allowed to eat these for breakfast.

That Seductive Seitan!

WARNING: If you are gluten-sensitive or gluten-intolerant, close your eyes now, 'cause I'm about to hit you with a mega-dose of gluten-y goodness.

When I started eating an entirely vegan diet in 1997 (I am no longer a strict vegan, but I'm still in the habit of eating only plant-based foods most of the time), there were not many "fake meat" products available anywhere.  It was tofu, tofu, tofu, and after I'd cooked that up about a thousand ways, I was tired of it.  I wanted chewiness, I wanted density, I wanted meaty-ness.  So I flipped out when I found Veggie Ribs dry mix in the health food store, because it was exactly what I wanted.  The mix was essentially vital wheat gluten flour (made from wheat protein, with the bran and starch removed) with spices and flavoring added.  I had no idea what gluten flour was and I didn't care--I just knew that when I mixed it with water and tahini, it turned into good, chewy, fake ribs. I later learned that this is called "seitan" or "wheat gluten".

Over the years, a million vegan blogs and cookbooks popped up and taught me that I could actually make my own seitan, from scratch, from plain ol' wheat gluten flour.  I was intrigued.  I started buying the stuff in bulk and experimenting with the various methods (boiling, baking, steaming, deep-frying) and realized that the possibilities are absolutely endless with this stuff.  It didn't hurt that seitan was also lower in calories and fat than meat, plus it had 16 grams of protein per 3 oz. serving.  Bitchin'!

As much as I love gluten, I only eat it about once a week because it can make me a little tired and big-bellied if I eat more than a small serving (which I always end up doing because I make it so damn good). Some people say it makes them feel crappy. Other people can eat it daily, no problem. And, yet, others (the 1% of Americans with Celiac Disease) can't eat it at all without severe gastrointestinal pain.  Bummer.

Controversial food, eh?

Behold, the "Seitanic Super Bowl Spread":

Saucy Seitan Wings with "Bleu Cheese" Dip, 
Asparagus, and Watermelon Radishes
HOT WINGS (melted Earth Balance & Louisiana Hot Sauce)
SESAME WINGS (tamari, maple syrup, ginger, garlic, sesame oil & sesame seeds)
SPICY BBQ WINGS (Bulls-Eye, Sriracha, yellow mustard)

I used to follow an exact recipe for the seitan, but now I change up the ingredients every time I make it. I'll add oil or peanut butter for a fattier texture, or use red wine in place of water, or use twice as much onion powder, whatever, it doesn't matter, it always comes out GOOD.

 Instead of boiling the kneaded seitan in broth, I cut up the dough into wing-sized pieces and baked them on a cookie sheet for about 15 minutes at 350.  I then slathered them in their sauces and put them back in the oven for 3 minutes.  The "Bleu Cheese" Dip is 1/2 soy yogurt, 1/2 Vegenaise, and a spoonful of preserved bean curd. Um. Really good.  My husband and I may have eaten that entire platter.

And if you're in the mood for pepperoni...

Spicy Seitanic Pepperoni

While I was cooking tomato sauce for some pizza the other night, I thought that spicy pepperoni sounded pretty excellent, and luckily I still had some gluten flour.  I used the basic seitan recipe that floats around in my head, but added sausage-y ingredients, like: crushed red pepper flakes, smoked sea salt, fennel, thyme, oregano, nutmeg and olive oil.  Rolled a few chunks into links and wrapped them tightly in foil, then just put them in the toaster oven at 375 degrees for about 12 minutes.  Opened up the foil and let them cook 3 more minutes. They sort of steam themselves this way, but the outer layer gets nice and toasty.  I love love love the way these came out and I want to use them in a pasta dish or stuff them in a sandwich soon.


Of course, since I was already making sauce and pepperoni, I figured I should experiment with some "cheese" for my pizza....

Seitanic Pepperoni Pizza with Nut Ricotta

(on whole wheat crust, courtesy of Trader Joe's)

I've heard than macadamia nuts make great spreads and "ricotta-like" cheeses when blended up, so that's what I went for.  In the Magic Bullet, I mixed macadamia nuts, siken tofu, water, onion and garlic powders, preserved bean curd (for that cheesy flavor), nutritional yeast, salt & pepper, oregano and umeboshi plum paste (nut butters and pastes always seem a little sweet for me, so the tart umeboshi helps balance it out).  Yep.  I will make this again.  It was perfect on the pizza and even turned a little golden in the oven, but it's  also good just as a cold spread or dip.  It's even better two days later when the flavors have really meshed, aww yeah. 


Okay, you can open your eyes now!  I think in order to make up for the serious seitan overdose, I will have to make my next post entirely gluten-free.  Ideas?  Anyone craving something that is hard to find sans-gluten?  I'm up for the challenge...

MO' BETTA MOVIE SNACKS

Love the movies, hate the snack options.
I adored candy, soda and concession stand nachos as a kid, but now that stuff gives me a queasy stomach, sugar headache and acid reflux before the opening credits are even through.  I'm not exaggerating for dramatic value, and I'm not a cranky, finicky old lady, either, I swear!  That stuff ruins me!  And it's expensive, geesh.

However, eating while watching movies is a pleasure that I don't ever deny myself, so...I bring my own goods to the theater. Don't judge me--you do it, too.  I know you.  I hear your plastic baggies.

Here is an easy, gooood-tasting alternative to Peanut M&Ms, the old fave that I've only recently let go of (I must admit):

Chocolate Nutty Nuggets!

(yep, just three ingredients: chocolate chips, peanut butter and dry cereal)

Melt a couple handfuls of semi-sweet chocolate chips (next time I'll use grain-sweetened, these were still slightly too sugary for me) in a saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly.  Add a big, heaping tablespoon of peanut butter and stir it in until completely mixed. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.  Crush up some cereal (I used Nature's Path Corn Flakes in the cubed nuggets above, and Health Valley Rice Crunch-Ems in the rounder nuggets, below) by hand or in a food processor and stir it in to the chocolate peanut butter.  You can then spread it on a small casserole dish, chill until firm, and cut up into cubes.

Or...you can roll up little balls by hand, like I did below, which takes a lot of time, but makes for a more authentic M&M result.  

The cereal surprisingly makes it crunchy, like the candy coating on Peanut M&Ms.  

Who knew?

And hey, as long as you've got the Rice Crunch-Ems out (ugh, "healthier" products always have such dumb names), why not make some...

BBQ Snack Mix!

Just like your old pal, "Chex Mix", but without the migraine headaches from the MSG! What a concept!  

EASY:

In a large bowl, mix together 4 parts BBQ sauce and 1 part olive oil, plus a little hot sauce if you like.  Dump the cereal into the bowl and toss well to coat thoroughly.  Spread the cereal mixture on a cookie sheet and put in a 200 degree oven for 45 minutes.  Stir it around every 15 minutes, or it will slightly burn and ruin the flavor.  Let air-dry and cool completely before mixing it with whatever you like---I added wasabi peas, raisins and dried cherries.  I love this stuff.

Hey, we always buy seltzer and other stuff from our friends at the independent theater, too (nutritional yeast popcorn FOREVER). We're not total jerks.  And we can't help it if a tiny flask follows us to our seats, either.

Hit me with some more movie snack ideas!